And In The Dark, I Can Hear Your Heartbeat
by IoIngridWeaver
Summary: the redemption of Narcissa Black Malfoy in seven acts. The golden age is before us, not behind us. -William Shakespeare Act I: All I See Is Gold


**Title: And In The Dark, I Can Hear Your Heartbeat**

**Main Summary:** The redemption of Narcissa Black Malfoy in seven acts.

We know what we are, but know not what we may be.  
**William Shakespeare**

**Act I: All I See Is Gold**

**Act Summary: ****In which Narcissa breaks free, reveals a deep secret, and chooses to help instead of harm. **

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.  
Martin Luther King, Jr.

She has tried so hard to fight it. Tried so hard and failed. When she closes her eyes she sees not shades of silver and green and snakes. No she sees shades of gold and red and lions. Draco is dead. Lucius is under the thrall of the Dark Lord and her sister has gone mad. She has nothing left. So here she sits in enemy headquarters determined to save the only thing she has left. The only thing left that she loved. And well if she is still honest herself, still loves.

So here she sits on a rickety old chair in the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix with Albus Dumbledore looking at her with those blue eyes that saw too much with her own cousin Sirius beside him. They were the only two close to her; all others were a distance back staring at her with suspicion and something akin to disgust and hatred.

She does not know if she has done the right thing by coming here and telling these blood traitors about the plans made by the Dark Lord. But she does know that the small bundle held in the hands of Lily Potter could be saved. The boy she can see has his fathers black hair. The son of the man she loves and that kills her with every breath she takes. She could not save her own son. But she can save his. Taking a deep breathe she allows her mask to slide back into place as she ends telling them what she knows. She will not allow any of the rest to see her weak. She is Narcissa Malfoy. She will be like unto her name; cold, calm, calculating, and guarded. She will endure while all those around her fall. So she sits there waiting for Albus to speak to her.

Albus Dumbledore looks at the woman sitting in the chair in front of him and thinks for the first time since she left the halls of Hogwarts that maybe, just maybe there may be hope for Narcissa Malfoy yet. And yet somehow he doubts her words and does not think that she is telling him everything. And looking at the young woman he knows that she can see it. He knows Sirius is wary of the woman in front of him but neither of them know what to do. And so he sees the woman in front of him narrow her eyes and then she closes them. And then the memories and images and feelings come rushing into his brain. And from the gasp Sirius unleashes she knows the man is seeing it as well.

He sees everything; her wedding, the beatings, the rape, miscarriages, the pregnancy that finally stuck. He sees her giving birth to a boy she named after the constellation she loved her much and he sees the boy murdered. And he sees the plans she discovered and then he sees a flash of gold and the memory that sees reveals before it all disappears. And then he is back in the room he was last in and he staggers before he leans back onto the table behind him. Everyone behind them is wondering what is going on and Albus knows the woman speaks the truth. And looking over his shoulder at the form of James Potter; he knows the reason why.

He then announces that they must believe Narcissa and he then knows that they have all underestimated her much. From what he has just seen and what he suspects is that there is much more to the woman than meets the eye. She is obviously skilled at Legilimency due to the memories she forced into his mind and one could assume Occlumency as well due to ther skill he thinks it took to hide all of this from both Voldemort and her husband. And so it is then Albus decides that Narcissa will be able to stay under the protection of the order until such a time when she either wanted to leave, it was safe to leave, or the war ended.

It has been years since Sirius was this close to his cousin and he is still unable to decipher the mysterty that is Narcissa Malfoy. She is cold with a sharp tongue and looks down on all of them with something in her eye that reminds him too much of Bellatrix. But despite this her eyes soften when the Weasley children enter the room and even more so when she sees the nine month old form of Harry James Potter. And when no one is looking Sirius knows she cries for the son she lost when he was barely in the cradle. And he knows she cries silently.

Most of the time his cousin keeps to herself in the room that has been appointed her own. But when she emerges Narcissa has a way of making herself at home and annoying mostly everyone in the complex. She has driven Molly out of the kitchen with a smirk and a comment about the way she does not want hair in her food. She drives Lily insane with comments about her frizzy hair and lack of tact and courtesy. She tortures Remus with underhanded digs about full moons and his shaggy hair. She insults the intelligence of Dumbledore and the incompetent fools he let's run around in the Order. She gains the ire of Kreacher by refusing to let him clean by saying he does a shoddy job but earns the admiration of the house elf when she insults Muggles every chance she gets. Yes Narcissa does what she can to make them all miserable. But then one day his cousin does something he does not expect.

Augusta Longbottom has a stroke and her grandson Neville lands up in the Headquarters under the care of Molly and Arthur. And the young boy with his dark hair and pale skin and dark blue eye refuses to stop crying and soon has everyone up at all hours as no one is able to get him to stop.

It is a Wednesday morning before the dawn and Lily is currently the one trying to calm the boy down. Sirius in a few feet away reading the Daily Prophet long having given up with trying to sleep. Sirius is then shocked when Narcissa comes stomping into the room, stands beside the cradle Lily is desperately trying to rock, slaps her hand away hissing that she is doing it all wrong, and then proceeds to lift the baby into her arms. Looking straight into the eyes of the boy she shakes him gently and in a firm unyielding tone tells him to stop. Sirius expects him to start wailing away. Lily moves as if to take him from Narcissas hands. But neither of those things happen.

Neville is starting at the woman with blonde and black hair with wonder and something, which if he were older, would be shock. Narcissa then takes the bottle sitting on the coffee table and proceeds to feed Neville and rock him to sleep. The next day Neville becomes unofficially under the care and protection of Narcissa. She refuses to let anyone near him and hisses if anyone comes close. She is still as cold as ever but there is something about her now that is more soft in a strange way. She glides gracefully with Neville in her arms pretending not to be too attached to the boy but anyone can see she is taken with him. and so when they are informed that Augusta is dead by Death Eater hands Albus comes informing them that a home must be found for the boy. Narcissa responds to this by saying she will not allow a purebred to be raised by simpletons, Mudbloods, or heaven forbid a Squib. She then says that he will be taken over her dead cold body. Lily looks gleefully on at a scene she thinks is about to unfold. But the eyes of the Headmaster merely twinkle as he says that settles that.

Less than a week later Neville Longbottom is under the guardianship of Narcissa Malfoy. Sirius tries desperately to ignore the light that is now found in the eyes of his cousin. He tries desperately to hold on to old grudges as she grows slightly less rigid to everyone around her and insults them all less with the polite underhandedness of her. And he tries more than anything not to see the yearning and flame in the eyes of his best friend as he watches Cissy glide around the hallways and rooms with the small boy in her arms. But as much as he tries Sirius knows it is something that he will never forget and something he is not sure will ever quite go away.

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.  
**C. S. Lewis**


End file.
